Exegesis

by Time Bomb

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about

All music written and performed by Patrick D. Hogan.
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Jacob Lee at The Doom Cupboard.

Cover Photograph by Gioia Gerber

credits

released April 1, 2015

CDs available at PlasticSkull.Storenvy.com

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Patrick D. Hogan Fresno, California

The musical attempts of Patrick D. Hogan & co.

PlasticBag FaceMask- ChaosDeathMath

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Track Name: The Man Who Searches For Meaning
Inside this absurdity, is there an answer? I will never find the meaning of life lest I cease the search.
Though my mind seeks through this fog, looking for realities I fear may not exist, the world seems indifferent to my plight. I’m left with no light to guide me through the mist.
It’s a backward fall from a cliff with no bottom and I just can’t seem to grasp the side.
And as I float through the sea of people, watching as the waves don’t break.
I feel the undertow dragging me down, but never quite enough to just let me drown.
My knowledge ends before I can comprehend existence without construction. I’m without the constitution to falter my own self-destruction.
Track Name: The Indifferent World Which Answers
The anxious feeling that tingles, charges electric through my fingertips. It warms and cools and falls and rises, spouting, oozing from my lips. The excess nouns and verbs that fight the way I’m told is how to think, vomit forth through gritted teeth and paint themselves as broken links. My hairs stand straight at full attention, lacking fear to flee or fight, for all the creatures that I fear are all afraid at dead of night. The trees that try to hug the wind that slips between their broken leaves can’t understand the loneliness of seeing sun but feeling breeze. For as my heart beats faster leaving everything I’ve said and done, as distant memories that feel emptiness but can’t outrun. Finding only sun-bleached hair and darkened skin to make it feel, free from all the world that senses pain but only sees a meal.
Feel free to laugh and stare at all the children dancing. Shiver in the raincloud wasting away. I wish these stars would fall faster so they could light the land we call our home. Tragic absence of light. Bring me peace with darkness.
Track Name: Hell Is Other People
I can feel the claws that slowly poke and prod the base of my spine to open trenches in my back to control all of my mind. Creeping feeling, chilling me, the way the tongue laps up the blood, drinking down the thing that makes me whole and human, soulless one.
The absence of the soil, making room for when, death ceases it’s constant attempts at cheating me out of where I am destined to be.
I’ve never been so lost that I couldn’t find my way back home, but now I fear that place will always be the bottom of a six foot hole.
I wait. I wait for when. Come back. Please come back to me. I wait. I’ve waited all I can. Come back. Just come back to me.
The light that guides us past this life is dimmer than I had imagined. Forgotten Hells are ringing bells that welcome those all lined with satin. And though I fight, my foolish plight I can’t seem to abandon, Rotting teeth and sunken cheeks, a corpse that has succum to famine.
Track Name: Tristitia
The way the flames will lick and kiss, seduce the sins from all the children. Black and burned and boiled flesh. Bound and gagged and waiting for . . .
Retribution and freedom from the fire that they breathe to end the suffering in their hearts. They use their wings to fan the flames and stand atop the smoke and breathe the ashes of the earth they once called home.
Track Name: Existence Precedes Essence
The water in my lungs can fight and fray away the angel’s wings. The current flows away from the cities that have burned. I know the ocean floor can bring me peace the world’s never seen. Eternal sleep can bring me dreams to know the things I never learned.

I’ll only say this once, so please, listen closely. My friends, in the event of a self-proclaimed miracle, what you may call a tragedy, these are the only words you need to know. Every word I write delves into my mind, maybe a little too deeply, and I use this to try to ease some pain. Like pressure on a valve, I have to release something before I blow, but I’m getting more and more backed up as the years go on. This is my mindset and it has been for a while. I can’t stand most aspects of life. Everything has become an equation. Nothing is worth the time of day and nobody even owns a watch anymore. I can’t sit idly by and accept the things you feed me, even if it is with a silver spoon. There is no God. There is no Love. There is no Sin. There is nothing you can own that someone else won’t try to sell you. I’m laying my intestines on the table waiting for someone to tell me I don’t have enough guts to spill. Every day I’m told it gets better, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s synonymous with death. I’m looking down from this precipice so afraid that I’ll jump, but I really like the view. Sometimes I pray that you’ll just push me. I can remember a time I didn’t feel this way, but I can’t remember a time that I was ever truly happy. Believe me when I tell you, this isn’t a cry for attention. This is just a plea for understanding. Some lives aren’t worth living. I honestly hope yours is.
Track Name: Anomie
When the world is nothing but dark clouds that hover cautiously over my head, I see the rain is coming. My dreams have fought the way I feel and taught me not to hear the humming. My brittle bones can’t help but creak and bang the ground with softened drumming. Now my skin is crawling free to seek a world free from this numbing.
It’s an idea that cycles through straight to the grave. It’s a straight shot. It’s a straight shot. It’s a straight shot to the man too tall for peering eyes. I stood on my own shoulders and found wilderness to brave. I’m without thought. I’m without thought. I’m without thought on how to stretch my limbs to hold so strong the falling skies.
The trees that grow over my body, turning me to branch and root, don’t allow me will to see the top of all the brutes. These giants staring down at me with eyes that do not blink or feel, drink the water at my feet and tell me I was never real.
I feel far below you. I’ve been laying low. I can hear your feet crunch the foliage around me, like creaking floorboards. I wish I could learn to not feel. I wish I could learn to not hurt.
Track Name: God is Silent; Heaven is Absent
See your villains. Burn them down. Decide who lives and dies. I’ve dreamed of fire and brimstone and watching you catch in the fire below. What could I do but laugh? Laughter is the best medicine. Mockery is the highest form of flattery. So do you feel cold, yet? I’ve fallen for far too long to be rid of these feelings. I just can’t let go. I knew you when you were still whole and human. Promises to call away the strike. Surrender to your fears and greet the atmosphere. I can still taste you in my mouth. I can still hear all your sounds.
Track Name: Life Can Only Be Understood Backward, But It Must Be Lived Forward
I can’t understand why I feel this way, but I’m happy as long as I can see your face. I’ve seen you as the center of my world.You’re more than just an empty shell. I have never felt more down since you stopped coming around. I can’t understand why I feel this way, but I’m happy as long as I can see your face. Not even I believe my lies. You came to cut me down and I stabbed you in the back. I don’t want to know why you let me go. There was no reason for you to stay, but now you’re too far away.
I can’t understand why I feel this way, but I’m happy as long as I can see your face.
Track Name: I Am the Cake Man
Regretting every second I didn’t spend with you. The letters you kept are much better burned. I picture a world where this all happened differently, but those are just dreams. Those are just dreams. And as I fade from your world, like a cloud of smoke from your last cigarette drag, I feel the emptiness I brought on myself. Watch me float away, dancing above you. See the light pass through me as I slowly fade from your eyes. Finally. Watch me from below. Your hands are so cold. I try to be brave. You try to be bold.
Track Name: I Am the Kite Master
Softness laid down. The fingers trace the fabric. I know these hands too well. I feel them stab me through with static. Is there a way relive this wonderment? Parching lips can lead to panic. Swollen eyes bleed red with hurt. Saturated and dripping tragic.
Broken lines are replayed and repeated and making eyes is replayed and repeated and softened cries are replayed and repeated and forgotten times are replayed and repeated. Now I wonder if we’ll see straight and be treated to the life I once sought to bleed frayed and trees seeded. I swallow times we betrayed and breathe conceited. You burned the sun to cool shade that’s retreated. I’ll let you go.
Farewell. I dragged myself through Hell. Now it all goes downhill, from this moment on. From this moment on.