1. |
I'm Sorry
03:10
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This is not a story with a happy ending.
Instead this is a prologue to a collection most dissonant.
This is not who I was supposed to be.
this is a suicide note.
nothing about this is in any way cathartic.
I have no one to go to for help.
Every sentence spoke is fucking worthless.
I wish I could let my fucking feelings out.
But I'm terrified of bothering those I love.
So instead, I'll write out these feelings,
and either this will end up in a song,
or this will be one of the many letters
you'll find after my passing.
No more fucking tears left to cry.
Could this be what was meant for me?
No love or hope, just misery.
To feel love give way each day.
Sad is all I’ll ever be.
I’m sorry.
I can't figure any of this out.
I can't begin to understand what I should fucking do.
I can’t figure this out.
I can’t figure this out.
I can’t figure this out.
I wish I was dead.
Everything would be so much easier.
Everything I wish I was, I am not.
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2. |
41205
01:43
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All I ever wanted and needed,
All I ever wanted and needed,
This is not.
This is not.
This is not.
This is not.
This is not.
This is not.
Maybe if I had another chance;
I'll never know.
All is not.
All is fucking not. :)
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3. |
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One more fucking wand.
High Priestess reversed.
Roses adorn my floor.
Sleeping under stars, thirteen in fact.
Am I dreaming?
Each on screaming; their light blinding.
This is my chance to leave.
Dream catcher; an omen.
the plants I cared for,
returned to dirt.
My touch; poisonous.
No more art to make.
Only my life to take.
I fell in love with a lie.
I fell in love with the past.
I fell in love with death.
Five cups spilled,
ten of swords reversed.
Never was nine of wands.
Fucking useless.
Never was nine of wands.
Fucking useless.
And with every shuffle
of the fucking deck,
I lose more of myself
Trying to find meaning.
laying at the feet
of the Queen of Pentacles.
Like a wilted rose,
my head will be hanging.
Strength of ace of wands; appealing.
Comforts of the past; hard to leave.
Stuck in perpetual grieving.
Horrid reversed star my blessing.
Last Judgement.
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4. |
An Apple
02:20
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I'm an insecure mess.
so please, please don’t look.
Please don’t fucking look at me.
Cause if you do, I'll have to fucking leave.
Can't trust a soul.
Nowhere to fucking go.
Don't tell me how you feel.
Don't tell me how you feel.
Don't show me that you care,
cause I do too.
And I can't handle the thought
of meaning something to
someone so sweet,
so please just leave.
Just go.
just leave me be,
so I can decay on my own,
right where I belong.
Drunk, alone, at home.
I'm what I've always been;
a secret.
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5. |
2B
01:25
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It always ends like this, doesn't it?
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6. |
</3
01:40
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This is not a story
with a happy ending.
Instead this is a prologue
to a collection most dissonant.
watch now as I splinter apart.
xXfuckXx
Fragments allign unsightly.
This is not who I
this is not
this is not
this is not
this is not
was supposed to be.
This is not who I was supposed to be.
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Patrick D. Hogan Fresno, California
The musical attempts of Patrick D. Hogan & co.
PlasticBag FaceMask-
ChaosDeathMath
Time Bomb- HeavyUglyMath
:)Bookburner!- HeavyUglyMath with a different vocalist
... more
Patrick D. Hogan recommends:
My bandmate's solo project.
go to album
Whited Sepulcher
by PlasticBag FaceMask
My chaotic and random band.
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